Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Publisher Nixes Islamic Rape Novel

Random House announced today it has scrapped plans to publish a soft porn paperback called The Jewel of Medina, a fictional account of the life of the Prophet Muhammad's child bride Aisha, written by Danielle Steele some lady, because of the concern that all Muslims are hypersensitive suicidal maniacs that will freak out if this book ever sees the light of day. Random House fears this book could be the next Satanic Verses (except hopefully not nearly as fucking boring), so they just said the hell with it. Nobody wants a fatwa these days, I guess.

I believe Random House is doing the world such a great disservice. I bet this thing would've blown up on the New York Times bestseller list, but now we will never know this story, or will we? Based on historical accounts such as Wikipedia and about half a joint I suspect it probably went something like this:

Once upon a time a beautiful Arab child was born. Her parents decided to name her after famous pop singer Brandy's character on that hit sitcom. Oh wait, that was Moesha, nevermind. Well anyway, there was this precious little girl and her evil parents decided to sell her off as a sex slave to a horny old sicko named Muhammad. This awful pedophile raped Aisha repeatedly until she finally developed Stockholm Syndrome as a means of coping with the psychological damage resulting from years of sexual abuse. One day, Aisha had finally had it, so when Muhammad came home she told him all the honey he had eaten gave him stank ass breath. This caused Muhammad to throw a big bitch fit and leave for like a month. Finally Aisha told Muhammad to stop being such a cantankerous old bastard and so he returned home and beat her unmercifully. Eventually he died. The end.

There. Now wasn't that romantic? [Wall Street Journal]

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