Monday, March 17, 2008

Barack O'bama: Muslim Leprechaun?

Today, on America's fifth most beloved drunken holiday some shocking revelations came to light about our favorite Kenyan Wahabi Presidential Candidate, Barack McHussein O'bama. IT TURNS OUT HE'S A GODDAMN LEPRECHAUN!

It seems Barack O'bama is racking up quite a few notorious titles as of late: Christian Hater of the Whiteys, Somali Witch Doctor, Closet Muslim, and now Magical Irish Leprechaun! I don't even know how someone could find the time to earn all these titles, but kudos to Barry O. for obviously being a master of multi-tasking.

On a positive note, some are saying this leprechaun story may actually give Barry a boost in the polls since it will likely lure Ron Paul supporters. This is because Paul supporters strongly oppose evil fiat money. And I think we all know that leprechauns are some of the few remaining advocates of the stupid ass gold standard...

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Terrorists Seek Party Planners in Anticipation of Obama Victory

One of Iowa's most prominent cornhole State Senators, Republican Steve King, said if Obama is elected president that Muslim terrorists will throw a big party because he's a Kenyan Wahabi Imam and his middle name is HUSSEIN!

This totally innocent little comment has been dubbed inappropriate since state level Iowa politicians are often so influential with regard to Mideast politics. I don't understand why the mean old liberal media is making a pariah of poor Sen. King for merely insinuating that Obama is who evil terrorists would vote for. What's the harm in saying that?

Plus, Iowans are experts on large celebrations like the ones Sen. King said will happen if Obama becomes president, because every year the Iowans throw a drunken festival to honor their ancient pagan Corn Gods. They dance around like a bunch of epileptic honkeys, have sex with a few animals, and then they eat real live babies! You guys, that's a true story! It may sound barbaric, but they've been peforming those primitive rituals since Iowa was first settled way back in the early seventies.

For the full story please visit the Spencer Daily Reporter