Saturday, July 28, 2007

Support Israel or Go to Hell!!

A freakishly revealing look at the Christians United for Israel conference.

In summary:

  • Tom Delay is optimistic about Armageddon
  • Israeli Jews are merely Christians yet to be converted
  • Televangelists are just like Moses per Joe Lieberman
  • Rick Santorum is still respected by the dickheads of America
  • People that promote peace are actually Pro-AntiChrist
  • All Muslims are evil...obviously
  • Gay people are worse than animals

(If video doesn't load, there is a link below)

Rapture Ready: The Unauthorized Christians United for Israel Tour from huffpost and Vimeo.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

GOP: God's Own Perverts

I'm a little surprised that it's still newsworthy when a Republican gets caught up in a sex scandal these days. I'll admit though, it's such a sweet indulgence to watch their pompous fall from grace...

Earlier this week, Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), golden boy of the family values twat-waffles, was exposed for having multiple sexual encounters with prostitutes in both New Orleans and D.C.

What? A right wing hypocrite? But wait... it gets better!

Today, Florida State Senator Bob Allen, a married Republican, was arrested after soliciting an undercover male officer for oral sex in a park restroom. Apparently, the authorities noticed the Senator cruising the restroom, so one of the officers followed him inside. The Senator then offered the cop $20 to let him perform oral sex on him. It seems that "Bob" really lives to up his name.

I think the Republican Party could save its overworked aides a lot of headaches and writing cramps by just drafting an official prodedure and general press release that can be easily customized for future GOP sex scandals. Something like this maybe....

  • Step 1. Appear at press conference with solemn face
  • Step 2. Stand close to whitebread family and American flag
  • Step 3. Read the following statement
My Fellow Americans,

I, Senator/Representative [insert name here], stand before you today because I have committed a terrible sin involving [watered down details here].

After much prayer and counsel, I have came to the decision to [resign? lie? blame the media?]. I deeply regret the pain that I have caused my family and America and have prayed [endlessly? continuously? perpetually? ceaselessly?].

In time, I hope you can find it in your heart to both forgive and re-elect me... God. God. Wife. Children. Jesus. War on Terror. The Bible. Radical Islam. America. September 11th. Sanctity of Marriage. Liberals. Satan. Islamo-fasists. Family Values. Osama bin Laden. Church. U.S.A. God. God. God.

****7-17-07 UPDATE**** Senator Vitter must've read my blog and liked my here

Friday, July 6, 2007

Douchenozzles Now Available in Black

Sunday, July 1, 2007

American Indecency

The American Decency Association has alerted me to a relatively new product that is tainting the youth of America with ideas of "unbiblical sexuality" using advertising that promotes willy-nilly lesbianism. The makers of this unholy product want to turn precious little girls into strap-on wearing, Indigo Girls loving, bull dykes. The product I'm referring to? Eclipse Fusion Gum...of course.

Please let the makers of this evil bubble gum know that proper Christians will not sit idly by and support "a company that goes so strongly against the standard of God" while their daughters chew their way straight to Hell with a domestic partner and a sinful desire to resurrect the Lilith Fair.

I would also encourage you to participate in the ADA's other boycotts of the following:
ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, Victoria's Secret, Abercrombie & Fitch, Wal-Mart, Cosmopolitan, Family Guy, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, The New Adventures of Old Christine, Howard Stern, Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Cher, the FCC, MySpace, and Hardee's.