Saturday, January 31, 2009

Claire McCaskill Tells Greedy CEOs to Suck a Fat Nut

Yesterday, a very out of touch and illogical Sen. Claire McCaskill introduced legislation to cap executive salaries at $400k for any companies receiving federal bailout funds. Jesus Christ, Claire, what are you thinking? Only $400k? A year? This is unconscionable. How do you expect Park Avenue Aristocracy to survive on a measly-ass $400k? That won't even cover the monthly payments on their villa in St. Barts!

If this wreckless legislation passes it will have a devastating and widespread effect on the American economy. Korean dry cleaners will go out of business. Bentleys will be repossessed. Three star Michelin restaurants will be forced to close. Manhattan will literally devolve into a tent city filled with nothing but rats, lepers, and Rudy Giuliani!!!

Please send Sen. McCaskill an urgent email asking her to abandon this senseless legislation. Let her know that this is America and we won't stand for a government that victimizes innocent multi-millionaires just because they accidentally ran an entire corporation into the ground.

[The Hindu]

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Speaker of the House Politely Tells Media to Eat Shit and Die

Here is a clip of our beloved Nancy answering the media's flippant questions while standing in front of four American flags and one strange flag from Barack Obama's homeland, the Islamic Republic of Hawaii.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Nancy Pelosi Saved America and Some Other Stuff Too!

- Today the House passed a fun little $819,000,000,000,000,000,000 economic stimulus package that includes hefty provisions for AmTrak and the National Endowment for the Arts, because once we all get cushy green collar jobs everyone will saunter across America via luxury club car in search of priceless works of art.

- Las Vegas Liberals are forcing schoolchildren to pray to their pagan god, President Barack Hussein Obama.

- Rush Limbaugh smugly caressed his pendulous man-breasts as Rep. Phil Gingrey apologized for not following the unspoken guidelines of partisan hackery.
[Think Progress]

- The California Supreme Court said it's perfectly fine to expel lesbians from religious schools because all dykes go to hell!
[SF Chronicle]

Monday, January 12, 2009

Joe the Plumber is the New Christiane Amanpour or Something!

The conservative media outlet that gave us Michelle Malkin and the Gay Patriot decided that it would be a terrific idea to send Joe the Plumber to Israel as some sort of international correspondent, because why fucking not?

The true gems of Joe's "reporting" are when he refers to the Israelis as "Israel People" and then he goes off on some foolish tangent about the good old days of war when "journalism" was nothing more than government propaganda issued by the Office of War Information and only available on a 16mm reel down at the local cineplex. What?

Please watch this clip in its entirety and then donate the bulk of your life savings to Joe's patriotic charity website,