Angry Teabaggers Yell at Sarah Palin Because of Something!

Here's a clip of something you don't see everyday. It's a group of unhappy white people screaming at a bus that is ostentatiously emblazened with the face of famous loser Sarah Palin.

Apparently, these Proud Americans stood outside in the frigid cold for an entirely ridiculous amount of hours with the hopes that Mrs. Palin would scribble her autograph onto the clump of papers that they had just paid actual money for. When this did not happen they appropriately went apeshit...as is wont with these kinds of folks.

Pardon my French, but these people seem pissed off. I bet they don't even know that Sarah Palin did not actually "write" this book.

Freepers Simply Do Not Care for Homosexual Ice Cream

Liberal ice cream maker Ben & Jerry's is celebrating gay marriage in their home state of Vermont by briefly renaming one of their most popular flavors. The special edition Hubby Hubby ice cream will be sold at participating Vermont stores throughout the month of September.

The Hubby Hubby ice cream recipe will consist of anus flavored ice cream with big fat dick-shaped pretzels filled with a semen-like vanilla cream that squirts out when you bite into it. Ha ha, just kidding. It's really just the same ol' Chubby Hubby recipe with a name change.

One would assume that this is, oh how do I phrase this, REALLY NO BIG FUCKING DEAL AT ALL TO NORMAL PEOPLE WITH MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO WORRY ABOUT!!! But sadly, the commenters at Free Republic do not see it this way. Instead, they have a more um, uh, nuanced view. Let's take a look at a few of their awesome comments, shall we?

Elhombrelibre writes:
Wonder what they’ll put in it for those clients who think there is nothing deviant about hubby-hubby love?

(What kind of screen name is "Elhombrelibre"? Sounds like a communist Mexican...)

Xcamel strains his "brain" for this witty quip:
Not “Famous Anus” ??

(That does not rhyme. Your career as a white rapper has ended before it began)

Kevin Brown proudly declares:
I quit buying back when they started supporting the anti gunners.

(Kevin Brown only eats bullet flavored ice cream squeezed from the utters of Republican cows with an NRA membership...i.e. Michelle Bachman )

Cicero muses:
I like Cherry Garcia.

(Shut up, you pinko hippie fag! Why are you sullying the Free Republic with such liberal nonsense?)

Ridethesmiles takes a valiant stand:
I love ice cream, but i will not ever purchase another bite of Ben & Jerry’s because of their support of every Liberal and Homo cause.

(Actually, Ben & Jerry's is sold by the pint. If you call that a "bite" then you probably shouldn't be shoveling ice cream down your face hole in the first place.)

NRA1995 hilariosly writes:
Why not call it “Creemin’ Semen?”

(Ding ding ding! You get the Rush Limbaugh Comedian of the Week Award!)

There are many comments just like this and more. Feel free to peruse them for yourself. [Free Republic]

Did Glenn Beck Rape and Murder a Young Girl in 1990?

There is strong evidence suggesting that Glenn Beck may have allegedly raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. Just this week a legitimate police report has also been posted on the internet that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Glenn Beck most certainly did rape and murder a young girl in 1990.

Now, I'm not saying that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 (even though it's quite possible that he did), but why the silence? If he's so innocent, then why doesn't he just come forward immediately and prove that he did not, in fact, rape and murder a young girl in 1990? All he would need to prove his innocence is to provide a detailed (and preferably notarized) minute-by-minute accout of his life from Dec. 31, 1989 until Jan. 1, 1991. What's so hard about that? What is he trying to hide? And why isn't the media reporting this?
[GlennBeckRapedAndMurderedAYoungGirlIn1990.com]

Rush Limbaugh: World's Greatest Comedian

The leader of the Republican party, Rush Limbaugh, recently made a HILARIOUS and totally original joke about Barney Frank. He said "Barney Frank spends most of his time living around Uranus". Get it? Uranus, as in your anus! Get it? Huh? Do ya get it???

This Rush Limbaugh fellow is so clever and funny! He should really have his own radio show or something. Here, now let me try using one of these highbrow Uranus puns:

Hey Rush, remember that time you dodged a tour in Vietnam, because you claimed there was something abnormal growing on Uranus?

Oh, ha ha ha, now I am a comedian too!

Cantankerous Wingnut Barks Nazi Slogans at Jewish Libtard

This video clip is so mean! A raspy Israeli gentleman just wants a little free healthcare and maybe some support for the troops on Memorial Day and then some frumpy old hausfrau just starts randomly screaming HEIL HITLER! at him for no reason. Someone needs to tell this hateful old broad that this is a townhall meeting not a Sarah Palin rally. You can't just go around shouting hate speech at people until the GOP Convention in 2012. Shame of you, lady. Shame. Of. You!

The tragedy in all of this is that it all went down while Lee Greenwood's lovely song God Bless the USA was playing in the background. Disgraceful! :( [Think Progress]

Victoria Jackson Publishes Disturbing Dream Journal

Victoria "Vicky" Jackson's latest piece for Big Hollywood tells the delightful story of how she woke up in the middle of the night with the realization that homosexual socialist Democrats are trying to kill off all the old and infirmed under the guise of universal healthcare.

You see, universal healthcare is really just a nice word for euthanasia. OMG, Vicky's onto something here! She continues on:

"Murdering babies is called Pro-Choice. Unfair Censorship is called The Fairness Doctrine. Outlandish Taxes and the Death of Freedom is called Cap & Trade"

Holy shit, this is eerie. It's kind of like the term "newspeak" that was casually mentioned in some obscure, award-winning novel and film that few have heard of called um, 1984!!! This Vicky character has really had an important revelation...

Now that she has schooled the readers of Big Hollywood on newspeak, she delves into the darkly surreal, almost David Lynchian tale of how she recently accosted the nice employees of a Burbank Hallmark shop:

“You know, I’ve been speaking at Tea Parties lately. No one seems to know or care that our country just turned Socialist.”

She stared at me like a deer caught in head lights.

I continued, “I don’t like politics, but we have to do something. I’m writing to my Congressmen and Senators now.”

Her teenage assistants with no customers had frozen smiles and frozen bodies.

“Did you know Obama uses our tax payer dollars to pay for abortions?”

She shook her head no.

“He even supports killing 9 month old babies, in the womb.”

She became a ceramic knick knack.

Crickets. Dead crickets.

As I opened the door to leave, she shook herself into reality and said, “Thank you and come again.”

The bell jingled as the door shut.

My gawd, woman, WTF? That sounds like a scene from Mulholland Drive. Vicky, please keep writing stories for Andrew Breitbart's Big Hollywood Blog. You are truly amazing! [Big Hollywood]

As the World Burns...

I would like to formally apologize for the lack of posts here at the Bureau. We are pathetically underfunded and are still awaiting some sort of bailout/stimulus/food stamps from President Obama's Welfare Czar, Nancy Pelosi.

In the meantime, here are some things I have read about on the internet that I found interesting enough to regurgitate on my very own blog. Enjoy!

Last night on MSNBC's Sour Vagina Happy Hour, Dr. Rand Paul announced that he will possibly run for office in the hostile Mexican Territory commonly referred to as "Texas". [YouTube]

Speaking of Mexicans, John "Juan" McCain's mother is not at all impressed with this new chairman of the Republican National Committee, Rush Limbaugh. [CNN via Free Republic]

Barack Obama is shaping up to be the most homophobic mulatto president in the the history of America! [Pam's House Blend]

Finally, a burqa for Islamic Patriots. It's about damn time! [Zarina's]

Glenn Beck's Mere Presence Nearly Kills Unsuspecting Guest

Larry Sinclair Just Randomly Harassing Obese Liberals

Larry Sinclair, the man that claims he sucked off Barack Obama in the back of a limo while on a coke binge back in the 90's, has just about had it with all these goddamn Obots running around in their stupid Barack Obama t-shirts.

He chronicled his delightful exchange with one of these ill-fated Obama supporters on his blog today:

Today while at my Cardiologists Office a woman walks in wearing a 5XL t-shirt with "The First Family of the United States"...

...I asked the woman if she was proud to be wearing that shirt? Of course she was.

...So then I asked, "Does it make you proud to be wearing the picture of a lying, murdering, drug selling, crack smoking, closet homosexual using his kids as political props and his wife being in on it all?

...That lady almost passed out from shock.

...the lady started asking me why I said those things about Obama. When I told her because they are true and I know for a fact he used and sold cocaine and was a closet homosexual she said, "I will have to look into that."

...I offered to send her one of Sinclair Publishing, LLC's t-shirts to replace hers with!

ZOMG! That poor fat gal is probably eating herself into an anxiety-induced frenzy at the nearest Ruby Tuesday after being accosted like that. Everyone please go Larry's website post haste and buy a damn t-shirt, so that he will stop victimizing overweight Democrats!

[Larry Sinclair] [Sinclair Publishing Store]

Contessa Brewer Outraged by Rick Santelli's Lack of Outrage

Here is a really annoying clip of MSNBC's favorite animatronic humanoid, Contessa Brewer, grilling CNBC's Rick Santelli, because he is not at all horrendously appalled by the fact that AIG has farted out a measly $165,000,000 in bonuses to their highly valued and totally fucking incompetent employees.

Rick Santelli patriotically responds by saying...well I'm not sure what Rick Santelli is trying to say because he has snorted so much blow (lined out in the shape of festive dollar signs) that all he is doing is screaming at the camera while shouting out painfully obvious statements and random surnames while peppering his moronic bloviation with the annoying media buzzword of the week: outrage. OUTRAGE. OUTRAGE!!!

Ouch. This video has given me a headache.