Friday, November 21, 2008

Would You Like to Eat Your Bacon Cheese Fries Off of Barack Obama's Face?

Everyone in Real America knows that the best way to celebrate the inauguration of a new President is with commemorative plates. This is a long standing tradition among white people here in the States, because of its vast array of multiple uses.

A commemorative plate is sheer magic. You can proudly display it as "art" on the wall of your mobile home. You could use it to hold a serving of your favorite Hamburger Helper. Also for snorting lines of cocaine. If you're an angry wingnut or one of those raving Hilltards could hang it at eye level and yell racist obscenities at it all day long as a way of coping with all of your issues. Most importantly, it is a very nice compliment to a Precious Moments figurine collection or any other heap of swap meet bullshit that you may have strewn about your wonderful place of residence.

As you can plainly see, one could create an entire website dedicated to the myriad of uses for the miracle known as collectible dinnerware. But seriously people, if you want one of these damn Barry O. plates you'd better order now! Supplies are limited to two per customer due to the extremely high demand from folks looking for anything with a picture of America's first Quadroon Sunni King, so that they can peddle it over at E-bay for a profit. []

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Former "Toonces the Driving Cat" Actress Issues Ominous Warning Against Nightmarish Obama Dystopia

International mega-celebrity Victoria Jackson, whose theatrical accomplishments include the critically acclaimed 1988 box office hit Casual Sex and also Celebrity Fit Club, took to the airwaves of America's most "fair" and "balanced" cable news network to issue a dire warning against electing Barack Hussein Marx Guevara Lenin Mao Stalin Obama. This patriot, Ms. Jackson, courageously called Obama a communist, because she has read George Orwell's novel 1984 twice. She also compared Obama to Fidel Castro and "the guy in China", Jackie Chan.