Monday, May 19, 2008

Oh Hey, Speaking of First Ladies...

You know, being the wife of some asshole that could be President must be so incredibly trying that one might assume these ladies require a small army of Mexican assistants (and Vicodin) just to make it through the daily grind? Well, of course they do! Let's discuss this further, shall we? We'll start with our favorite.

Mrs. Cynthia Hensley McCain has to precariously juggle being blonde, pretty, a businesswoman, and an heiress, all while riding around on that stupid goddamn Straight Talk Express with her gnarled old husband. No wonder she needs all those pills to keep up with such a hectic schedule! Ugh, and we can't forget that dowdy hausfrau, ol' what's-her-face Obama, toiling away at whatever the hell it is that she does all damn day.

But what specific things have these First Women of the Politcal Elite been up to lately? Well, I'm so glad that you asked! Let's take a look, eh?

• Cindy McCain has decided to sell off her half of Sudan because those people just cannot seem to get it together and turn a profit.
-[Associated Press]-
• The NY Times is talking about Cindy's opulent castles filled with money because they are jealous, hateful liberals.
-[NY Times]-
• Cindy McCain is part of a nefarious secret society that for some dumbass reason or another plans to take over the whole world!
• Yesterday, Barack told Tennessee they need to just STFU about Michelle even though she is an insufferably detestable woman.
-[ABC News]-
• There is absolutely no other news about Michelle HUSSEIN! Obama that is in any way relevant to anything! Ever!