Saturday, November 17, 2007

Mormonisms

Yeah, so basically Mormons are bigtime freakshows. If anyone's ever been to the Mormon stronghold of Salt Lake City, they all ready know that this is a twisted, evil cult. The whole city revolves around the secret temple that only Mormons can enter, plus they have this crazy animated Jesus statue that speaks Mandarin or some shit to all the Asian tourists.

Mormon religion is some weird mix of astrology and Christianity that says Jesus taught all the Indians to build casinos, because they're somehow related to all the money hungry Jews! Oh, and they think the promised land is really Independence, Missouri...even though that place is a total shithole.

Mormons believe they can become a god after they die by annoying the piss out of everybody else, so they ride around on their stupid bikes and knock on people's doors at the worst possible times (like right after you just got high!) Then they go off to irritate everbody in some third world country as a "missionary" before coming back to take multiples wives and crank out as many creepy "Village of the Damned" babies as possible.

2 comments:

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Crystal Clear said...

I don't believe that all of Christianity is crazy just because the religion has generated some crazy people. Mormons are a cult, they always have been and only in today's time have we tried to legitimize them. When I was growing up, most mainstream Christian denominations denounced Mormonism, now many of these churches are taught to embrace it. Btw what prompted you to write about Mormons anyway.