Thursday, November 15, 2007

Liveblogging the 793rd Democratic Debate of the Year

Tonight's Democratic debate is on CNN. I'd planned a quiet night at home, but thanks to the socialist killjoys over at CNN, it looks like I'll be liveblogging(with shitloads of profanity) and chugging cheap red wine. Cheers.

  • 7:08pm - Very first question. Hillary smirks and then refers to her pantsuit as "asbestos"
  • 7:11pm - Hillary smirks again while Obama bashes her. I'm not sure if I should remark everytime Clinton smirks. Might get carpal tunnel.
  • 7:14pm - Some fucking heckler just interrupted Hillary and Obama's healthcare showdown. Thanks alot, citizen!
  • 7:18pm - Joe Biden is pissed about not getting face time and just said nobody cares about what Hillary, Barack, and Edwards are saying. I'll drink to that!
  • 7:21pm - John Edwards said he doesn't give a shit who you vote for, because he's all ready fucking loaded with cash.
  • 7:32pm - Democrats pretty much have no fucking clue if Mexicans should have driver's licenses or not.
  • 7:37pm - Bill Richardson wants to be the "Education President"....instead of just some fatass that nobody is ever going to vote for.
  • 7:41 - Joe Biden's kicking ass and taking names. It's a damn shame that he has such a shitty haircut.
  • 7:53pm - Oh snap, now Kucinich just got an attitude about not getting screen time. Looks like the second tier candidates ain't puttin' up with no bullshit tonight.
  • 7:55pm - Hey, where the hell is Mike Gravel? No wonder I'm so bored!
  • 8:13pm - Goddamn it! Hillary just shined. I forgot how cunning the Anti-Christ can truly be. Oh well, time to hit the bottle harder.
  • Holy Hell, they're gonna let real life Nevadans ask questions. This is gonna fucking suck!
  • 8:25pm - Some veteran's drunk ass mother just asked a question about war written on an index card. This is the most obviously planted question EVER! A fucking index card?
  • 8:32pm - OMFG! Some lady in the most hideous vest/smock I've ever seen just asked a question about Blackwater. I don't really care about the candidates responses, I'm too busy grimacing at the floral pattern on that vest.
  • 8:38pm - Oh, Christ on a cracker, some terrorist just stood up and bitched about being profiled. Boo Hoo. Of course, like true Democrats they're sympathizing with him. Fucking candy asses. People, if you don't want to be profiled then don't be a Muslim! It's that simple...
  • 8:42pm - WTF! Now Chris Dodd is up there speaking fucking Mexican to all the burrito people. Aye aye aye! No somos México del norte.
  • 8:44pm - Some old stuttering hag with blue eye shadow and a big gold Wal-Mart hair scrunchy is barking about Social Security. It's hard to focus on the candidates with so many citizens asking questions. God, I hate real Americans.
  • 9:04pm - Blah, blah, blah, blech, blech....Is this ever going to end? Even the candidates look fucking bored.
  • 9:09pm - Yay! It's finally over. In summary: Biden/Kucinich '08

Ok seriously, I'm never fucking live-blogging again. I am exhausted (and drunk!). Plus, now I'm hungry for burritos. Oh holy hell, now Miss Anderson Cooper is following up with pundit commentary. Who cares? I am done. Fuck everybody. Fuck America!

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