Monday, October 22, 2007

Inter-Bureau Memorandum

To: All Bureau Personnel
From: Secretary of Information
Re: Casual Fridays
CC: Al-Jazeera, GLAAD

Due to increasing Democratic oversight, casual Fridays will now be replaced with Cultural Diversity Fridays. We're proud to announce that our first theme will be Transgendered Muslims! Employees are encouraged to dress accordingly and prizes will be given for the most creative attire.

Suggested attire for men would include a burqa or maybe a less restrictive (more slutty) hijab while appearing visibly oppressed. Feel free to google "mothers of terrorists" for more creative ideas. Suggested attire for women would include long beards and flowing robes wired with crude explosives. Older women are encouraged to google "Ayman al-Zawahiri" for ideas. Larger, more robust women should google "Muqtada al-Sadr".

The first prize winner of the "Official Cultural Diversity Attire Contest" will receive a $50 gift certificate to the Cracker Barrel! The second place winner will receive a seven day surveillance-free communications pass courtesy of The Department of Homeland Security (Comcast customers excluded...sorry)

Participation is voluntary, but those who choose not to voluntarily participate will receive disciplinary action ranging from dirty looks to unnecessarily harsh waterboarding. The exception, obviously, excludes those of Jewish faith. Those individuals are exempt from pretty much everything, because Jews own America.

Kind regards,
The Secretary of Information

No comments: