I don't know about you, but I am freakin' jazzed about tonight's Historic Debate between Russia's wingnut neighbor, Sarah Palin, and the perpetual foot-eater, Joe Biden. This debate is going to be kind of like that David Lynch movie Rabbits where the characters just awkwardly blurt out random statements that have nothing to do with anything.
Oh, what comedic horrors await us at tonight's Vice Presidential Debate???
1. Will Gwen Ifill look directly into the camera and tell Michelle Malkin to suck a fat nut for questioning her impartiality as a moderator?One would hope all three of these things will happen, but none of them will, because American politics are the most depressingly overrated form of entertainment ever. So, now would be a good time to go ahead and toss back a couple of Vicodin-Celexa-tinis, because the action will be starting in less than fifteen minutes! Stay tuned, bitches!
2. Will Joe Biden say something so offensive that it causes a nationwide moment of uncomfortable silence?
3. Will Sarah Barracuda pull out her moose rifle and shoot Joe Biden right in his hair plugs while the CNN analysts obsess over those weird emotion-meter graphs?
08:00pm - Yay, it's starting, here we go. This is so exhilarating!
09:35pm - Oh wow, I totally passed out! I wonder if anything vaguely remarkable happened while I was taking a nice little disco nap? Was I just dreaming or did Palin kill Biden and grind the carcass into Biden-burger patties? Thankfully, CNN will replay this debate every 90 minutes for the next 48 hours. I hope I didn't miss anything interesting?!