Friday, August 3, 2007

Hero of the Week: Newt Gingrich

This week, young Jesus-blind white devils also known as the National Conservative Student Conference were gathered to have their flat-earth Christian beliefs refreshed by rich, influential assholes. Instead, they were treated to a little truth smackdown courtesy of guest speaker Newt Gingrich.

Ol' Newtie came to the podium and quoted some statistics from Detroit, where black males are more likely to go to prison than to succeed. Surprisingly, he didn't equate this to a lack of prayer in schools. Instead, he said, "How can we tolerate systems more likely to send young Americans to prison than college?"

He also went on to say the following...much to the dismay of the group of privileged whitebread dickheads:

  • Republicans have this maniacally dumb idea of red versus blue. They say Detroit is a blue place, so we're not going to go there.
  • Republican political doctrine has been a failure
  • Look at New Orleans. How can you say that was a success?
  • We've been in charge for six years and I don't think you can look around and say that was a great success.
  • We have got to get beyond this political bologna. I'm not allowed to say anything positive about Hillary Clinton because then I'm not a loyal Republican, and she's not allowed to say anything positive about me because then she's not a loyal Democrat. What a stupid way to run a country.
  • None of you should believe we are winning this war
  • We are in a phony war ... we have not been taking this seriously.

Wow Newt, what in the hell has gotten into you? And where did all that come from? I think it's obvious that he's been hanging out with his lesbian sister a little too much an now he's just spouting off a bunch of liberal mumbo-jumbo.

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1 comment:

Crystal Clear said...

Thanks for the comment you left about my post. I'm just confused about your current entry. Are you talking about THE Newt Gingrich? As in former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich? Has he somehow morphed into a reasonable human being with level-headed opinions? I must have missed something. Or maybe I know less about politics than I thought. Hmmm. That's quite astonishing.