Monday, April 28, 2008

Alan Keyes' Winning Streak of Failure Continues

The whole world all ready knew world famous ambassador Alan Keyes had abandoned his fun Republican campaign month(s) ago, because the entirety of America refused to sign his stupid pledge. So, Alan said just forget it and switched to the very influential Constitution Party!

The Constitution Party platform basically advocates running the country the way an enraged Nazi-Pentecostal Jesus would run the country if he were alive and also a fascist dictator. I'm not quite sure how that relates to the Constitution, but it seemed like the perfect party for Alan Keyes since he has the exact same beliefs!

But alas, all this cross party showboating was just for nothing because the free world (and the Constitution Party) is still not all that interested in letting some Harvard killjoy run our damn country unless the words hope and/or change are mentioned repeatedly (and preferably in the same sentence, thank you). So basically, the Constitution Party people told Ambassador Keyes to get bent and then they all voted for anyone that didn't have the first name Alan or the last name Keyes :(

As if all this constant losing of election-related things wasn't bad enough, the elitist liberal media is now making fun of sorry ass Ambassador Keyes by chronicling his endless shortcomings as a human with smug headlines such as:

- The Last Word on Keyes
- Chuck Baldwin KOs Firebrand Alan Keyes
- Constitution Party Rejects Alan Keyes
- The Fall of Alan Keyes

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