Violent Chicago Liberal Viciously Attacks Concerned Mexican

Enraged Guido Hates Absolutely Everything About Barack Obama

Hillary Clinton Finally Gets Her Revenge on America

Last week, Sean Hannity's overweight ex-boyfriend Hal Turner penned a scathing weblog exposing the treasonous acts committed by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on her most recent trip to Red Communist China. Did you know she gave them eminent domain over America? Why Hillary, why?

Now, according to the exhaustive 3-5 minutes worth of research I've done on Google while getting high, I can't even figure out how a cabinet official could legally give another nation eminent domain over America, but hey, Hal Turner said it therefore it must be true. Just like this. And this.

Now, I know that people often totally disregard every utterance that originates from Hal Turner as meaningless drivel, due to the fact that he is a bloviating twat that can't even get a job as a war correspondent for Pajamas Media, but what if he's telling the truth this time?! OMG you guys, what if we're all secretly Chinese and we don't even know it?
[Hal Turner]

Larry Sinclair Unveils Sexy Spring Fashions

World famous author and political provocateur, Larry Sinclair, has debuted a new line of men's panties (manties) for the obese and poorly endowed American male. Sources for bureau tell us that the line, tentatively titled Fruit of the Loin, will feature iron-on photos of mean people that said bad things about Larry and will be availabe in two signature colors: Cottage Cheese White or Pepsi Brown. They will also be constructed from a space age elastic originally developed by NASA that can stretch up to 160 times its normal size and is extremely stain resistant.
[Larry Sinclair]

Claire McCaskill Tells Greedy CEOs to Suck a Fat Nut

Yesterday, a very out of touch and illogical Sen. Claire McCaskill introduced legislation to cap executive salaries at $400k for any companies receiving federal bailout funds. Jesus Christ, Claire, what are you thinking? Only $400k? A year? This is unconscionable. How do you expect Park Avenue Aristocracy to survive on a measly-ass $400k? That won't even cover the monthly payments on their villa in St. Barts!

If this wreckless legislation passes it will have a devastating and widespread effect on the American economy. Korean dry cleaners will go out of business. Bentleys will be repossessed. Three star Michelin restaurants will be forced to close. Manhattan will literally devolve into a tent city filled with nothing but rats, lepers, and Rudy Giuliani!!!

Please send Sen. McCaskill an urgent email asking her to abandon this senseless legislation. Let her know that this is America and we won't stand for a government that victimizes innocent multi-millionaires just because they accidentally ran an entire corporation into the ground.

[The Hindu]

Speaker of the House Politely Tells Media to Eat Shit and Die

Here is a clip of our beloved Nancy answering the media's flippant questions while standing in front of four American flags and one strange flag from Barack Obama's homeland, the Islamic Republic of Hawaii.

Nancy Pelosi Saved America and Some Other Stuff Too!

- Today the House passed a fun little $819,000,000,000,000,000,000 economic stimulus package that includes hefty provisions for AmTrak and the National Endowment for the Arts, because once we all get cushy green collar jobs everyone will saunter across America via luxury club car in search of priceless works of art.
[AP]

- Las Vegas Liberals are forcing schoolchildren to pray to their pagan god, President Barack Hussein Obama.
[J.A.M.E.S.]

- Rush Limbaugh smugly caressed his pendulous man-breasts as Rep. Phil Gingrey apologized for not following the unspoken guidelines of partisan hackery.
[Think Progress]

- The California Supreme Court said it's perfectly fine to expel lesbians from religious schools because all dykes go to hell!
[SF Chronicle]

Joe the Plumber is the New Christiane Amanpour or Something!

The conservative media outlet that gave us Michelle Malkin and the Gay Patriot decided that it would be a terrific idea to send Joe the Plumber to Israel as some sort of international correspondent, because why fucking not?

The true gems of Joe's "reporting" are when he refers to the Israelis as "Israel People" and then he goes off on some foolish tangent about the good old days of war when "journalism" was nothing more than government propaganda issued by the Office of War Information and only available on a 16mm reel down at the local cineplex. What?

Please watch this clip in its entirety and then donate the bulk of your life savings to Joe's patriotic charity website, SecureOurDream.com

A Holiday Assortment of Various Tragedies

- College will turn your sweet little princess into a raging bulldyke [Townhall]

- Cynthia McKinney's pirate ship, the SS Moonbat, was viciously attacked by Jews [Michelle Malkin]

- Blago's Senate pick has built himself an opulent death palace, because black people are very haughty. [Wonkette]

- Why won't Barack Obama stop golfing and restore world peace? [Daily Mail]

- Dr. Freeper McWingnut wrote some dumb book about crazy liberals [WorldNetDaily]

Brave President Narrowly Dodges Islamic Terrorist Attack

Today an Iraqi insurgent committed a heinous Richard Reid-style shoe assault against Our Heroic President, George W. Bush, Jr. Also, Dana Perino was brutally punched in the eye with a microphone, just because.