Sweetheart, Did Jesus Touch Your Googly?

The Bureau of Mockery is bringing you this special late-night bulletin to let you know that Evangelicals are chaste and pious except that they all fuck gay hookers, young children, or both... due to their secret meth addiction. This is a finite truth.

Tonight, police raided Tony Alamo Ministries in Arkansas and began interviewing children as part a child pornography investigation involving physical abuse, sexual abuse, polygamy, and underage marriage.

Poor Mr. Alamo compared his legal troubles to the persecution of Jesus H. Christ and also blamed same-sex marriage for all this unfair scrutiny of his Christian kidfuckery.

This is yet another reason why we must never allow civil unions or gay marriage in America, because it causes the fundamentalists to touch the children.

This blog entry was sponsored in part by bottom shelf Pinot Noir. [ABC News]