The Muslims are Coming!

Celebrity politican "Black Truffle" Barack Obama will be visiting the gun-clinging Pentecostals of Southwest Missouri this Wednesday to spread his message of Hope, Change, and Whatever Else to a bunch of wretched honkeys that will probably all just vote for McCain anyway.

Severely intoxicated sources reported that campaign staff and security began arriving early Saturday, but were forced to hastily change hotel accomodations after an altercation with a powerbitch neocon employee that stated "Democrats never have their shit together" and then sent them down the street to the low-budget traveler's hostel called the "Holiday Inn Express".

The Bureau learned of Obama's upcoming visit on Saturday afternoon after accidentally infiltrating a pool party of notorious liberal insiders. Unfortunately, your intrepid editor was unable to report this important scoop, due to a dizzying combination of vodka and sunshine and also because the hamsters that power the "system" have unionized and refuse to work in any sort of lame-ass Windows Vista related environment.