US Attorney General Ponders Subtle Nuances of Torture

Today Attorney General Michael Mukasey, that guy George Bush said we should pay to tell us about all the legally stuff nobody understands, said that he has no idea if waterboarding is torture or not.

And guess what? He doesn't know if waterboarding is torture because it's totally not an easy question to answer. He said he has to review all the memos and then he'll let us know.

In his defense, waterboarding is an immensely tricky issue. I mean, just because the people we do it to may "technically" feel like they're dying a water-filled CIA nightmare death doesn't necessarily constitute official American sanctioned "torture"...per se.

I decided to consult waterboarding expert Megan Carpentier, who said that waterboarding was NOT officially torture, but then went on to say that it actually really was. And I was so totally high at the time that I got all confusey while reading her email :(

BUT ANYWAY! If you're wildly intelligent like Mukasey then you all ready know the best way to test the validity of something is not by witnessing it firshand but by instead reviewing third person accounts written up in sterile, emotionless memos. Obviously.

This is definitely why we pay the government to do complex things that, you know, the average ignorant citizen has absolutely no fucking grasp of. Therefore, waterboarding is? not? torture? [AP via Yahoo]